Top Tips for Working With an Over-Participator
Think of any professional situation you find yourself in. For example a meeting... a focus group... a workshop... who are YOU in that moment?
Are YOU in Listening Mode and Last to Speak Up?
Are YOU Distracted and Uninterested and Only Participates if Called Upon?
Are YOU more Introverted and unsure if your point of view is valid or welcome?
Are YOU a combo of Listening... Influencing/Questioning through Instant Message Behind the Scenes...and THEN Participating?
Are YOU an Over-Participator?
There are most likely more "personas" YOU can think of but these come top of mind from recent interactions. They all have their pros and cons when it comes to the meeting... the group dynamics... the desired outcomes... and the self awareness of the participants.
The one that I have struggled with over the years is the role of being The Over-Participator.
Be Aware of the Signs of a Serial Offender
First to break the silence and jump into a discussion
Contributing frequently and often talking over others
Coming into the conversation completely off topic (indicating you haven't been listening but rather focusing on what YOU want to say/contribute)
Monopolizing the air time...speaking rapidly and fluidly without taking a breath
Feeling empowered to talk more based on positive feedback from the moderator or an influential/powerful person in the meeting
The Impact on Others
My experience is that over-participators don't fully understand the damage they can do even though their intentions are well meaning. While there may be some sigh of relief from others that they don't have to participate or contribute (taking the pressure off of them)... most likely others walk away just shaking their heads.
Some impacts/consequences of over-participators are:
Alienate members of the group who simply "give up" because they can't get a word in otherwise
Disenfranchise others because the over-participator is dominating the dialogue with their ideas which make it pointless to interject another point of view
The constant contribution without a breath causes others to zone out and not really understand (or want to understand) what was just said
Puts the facilitator or the leader in a tough position to manage the overall group dynamic and hear from other voices
Go To Strategies To Manage YOUR Over-Participator
Provide 1:1 Feedback. Find a moment after the meeting (timeliness is everything) to thank the person for their passion...interest...perspective and participation. Ask them if they noticed anything about the dynamic in the "room" and everyone else's participation. If they are open to it - offer to be an accountability buddy for next time.
Talk to their Manager/Leader. Maybe you are not comfortable giving feedback or need coaching on how best to give it. You may want to speak to their manager and offer help or gain perspective on what is going on with the teammate. Chances are YOU are no the only one seeing this and the manager would welcome your support.
Address it in Real Time. This is ONLY to be used in circumstances where the relationship with the person and the team dynamic has already been established up front. The person should never be completely caught off guard or embarrassed by the "call out". This is rare but so healthy and valuable to everyone. If trust has been built between the participants everyone will laugh it off and thank you for it later.
Leverage Redirection to Pull Others In. Either the facilitator or participants can find a moment to say "thanks Marcie for your perspective...let's give a few others a chance to give their point of view. Joe...what do YOU think about what has been said? Anything else we should be considering" This sends the message to your over-participator that it's time to stand down while also drawing in participants who are shy or unsure about giving their perspective.
Be Specific About the Ways to Participate. Ahead of a meeting...ask them to jump in with the first question to get the ball rolling then coach them to step back and let others take it from there. Maybe ask them to facilitate a "break out" portion of the meeting or be a note taker to keep them engaged without them having to continuously give a point of view. Over-participators want to contribute so find ways to include them that maximize their energy and intent....all the while not shutting down others from feeling like their voices cannot be heard.
What Can YOU Do If YOU Suspect YOU are an Over-Participator?
What if YOU know you are an over-participator and some days you just can't help yourself? YOU get on a roll.... you have a passion for the topic... you feel like no one else is saying much and you can't stand the silence?
Well fear no more...here are a few tips you can leverage:
Find an Accountability Buddy. YOU know you are a serial offender and despite your best intentions...you just can't help yourself. Give permission to someone else on the meeting to correct you in real time with a funny call out or to instant message you on the side to "take a breath"
Seek Feedback. Either in real time (through Instant Message) or after the meeting ask for genuine feedback on your participation from someone you trust. Ask "Was I off topic or did my point land or make sense?" "Did I say too much or need to dial back a bit?" "Did I lose the audience?" "What could I have done better?"
Ask More Questions. A long time ago...I tried to train myself to ask a question rather than making a point. I bought a thumb ring and it was meant to remind me to talk less and seek feedback more to give others the chance to participate. More often than not...the question gets your point across and allows others to put their spin on it. If you feel there is more you want to draw out... ask a follow up or clarifying question of other participants.
Draw Others into The Conversation. If you DO have a point to make... it is really effective to "name names" as you speak to draw others into the dialogue. You can give credit to someone for the point you are making and ask them if you got it right or if they can add to what you said. You can say things like "to build on what Sally just said here are some thoughts I have". You can also draw in others you believe will have a dissenting point of view by saying "Fred...what do YOU think of my point...what am I missing?"
In Closing...
Whether YOU know an over-participator or YOU are a recovering one...it is always best to assume positive intent. How you treat them and how you respond to them says as much about YOU as it does about them. I'm not saying it is easy and not everyone is open to the coaching...feedback or course correction.
It takes time for an over-participator to become self aware about how they are impacting others and that it is NOT always helping their personal brand. It can be heartbreaking to them especially when they are really caring...passionate...capable teammates. Having said that... once they embrace it it can be a wonderful point of connection for the team when they call themselves out on it in real time.
Lastly, in rare cases...some see over participation as a badge of honor. They feel it is their job to monopolize and they really don't care how anyone else feels about it. It is their path to fame...fortune and promotion to grand stand in every forum they find themselves in. My experience has taught me that those that ignore the coaching will be ostracized by their peers and will pay the price of their actions sooner or later.
Leadership Questions of the Week for YOU:
Who are YOU in a meeting? A listener, uninterested, introverted, a combo or an over-participator?
What are some of the signs YOU have noticed to identify a serial over-participator?
How do YOU feel when you find yourself in the presence of an over-participator? Does it vary depending on the forum? topic? or who it is?
What go to strategies do YOU have for managing your favorite over-participator?
Are YOU an over-participator or a recovering one? What do YOU do to manage yourself or what advice would you give others?
Do you think that over-participators can be drain on teams? Are they a welcome sight in some situations? What is YOUR feedback or balance?
Thanks for reading….and remember…YOU make a difference!
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