Kids Say the Darndest Things: How a Speeding Warning Became a Lesson in Leadership

I don't know how old I was when I first learned a lesson about the complexity of the truth. I must have been school age but not much more...maybe a little less.

A Drive Home on a Sunny Sunday Afternoon

I was in backseat of the car for the long drive home as my Dad listened to a game on the radio... maybe it was Hockey... I'm not sure. It seems to me it was a nice.. sunny day and we were travelling through a particularly open stretch of highway... maybe through Terra Nova National Park (in Newfoundland, Canada).

Caught up in the game...and no doubt eager to get home... he was a little heavy footed on the gas peddle and travelling above the speed limit. Next thing we know... the dreaded sound of the police siren was behind us and indicating for us to pull over.

Dad... a little flustered: "Oh S$it I was speeding. Marcie.... Daddy will handle this ... ok?"

Police Officer: "Good afternoon sir...do you know why I pulled you over?"

Dad: "No officer...what seems to be the problem?"

Me from the backseat...trying to help out: "But Daddy...don't you remember... you said you were speeding?"

Dad to the Officer: "I must have got caught up in the game and didn't realize that the limit had changed in this area of the park. I will pay closer attention from now on"

Police officer with a smile: "Ok sir...I will let it go today with a warning... do be careful from now on"

Once we were back on the road... my dad explained that I could have gotten him in a lot of trouble with my remark and that I shouldn't have said anything. My brief rebuttal was that I genuinely thought he had forgotten and I was just trying to help he and the Policeman out!

The Fine Line We All Walk

That story perfectly sums up the complexity with the truth I have faced my whole life.

Even well into my adult hood... time and time again... I almost naively fall into the trap that I NEED to point something out that isn't discussed because I think NO ONE else sees it or has forgotten it. I feel compelled to ensure it is said!

As in the case of my Dad... it wasn't that he had forgotten or didn't know the truth... it's that bringing the facts front and center in that moment had no benefit to him...and... perhaps... he could avoid consequences that he wasn't eager to discuss or face.

It is a fine line we all walk as friends... parents... co-workers and leaders. Not every moment is ripe for the truth...not everyone can handle the truth and... in some cases... it's not the time for the truth. I often refer to this as "letting the problem mature".

Pause and Ask YOURSELF "Why?"

I guess at this stage of my life and career I have gotten a wee bit better (while still not cured) at "reading the room". It has taken me longer than you would expect to not just blurt out "you were speeding" when I see truth that needs to be said. I try and pause and say to myself "When something is THIS obvious... WHY is it not being discussed?"

There are still times when I think I know the answer to this question and I jump in to let others know I see it too. It's not to be a trouble maker but rather to engage others in conversation... especially if the silence is deafening.

In a lot more cases... as I have grown in my career... I have come to realize that there is often reasons that are unclear to me at the time as to why the truth is glossed over or not said. This is where "reading the room" is particularly important.

In Closing...

There are moments in our life and career where we need to let situations play out. Where... even though we CAN blurt out "you were speeding" doesn't mean we SHOULD. There are other factors or dynamics at play that we may not be aware of and will all be revealed in time.

As in the case of my Dad's speeding... just because he didn't outwardly admit it... doesn't take away from the fact that he did it... and that the Police Officer knew it. It's sometimes NOT YOUR truth to speak.

In the end... it may have been the relatable moment of getting caught up in the game... or that his cute... precocious daughter in the backseat was being raised with a strong sense of "truth telling" which amused him... that ultimately got my Dad off the hook. I'm sure there was an unspoken moment of understanding as my Dad and the officer exchanged glances of "Don't kids just say the darndest things?"

Either way... everyone navigated the moment... and I have never forgotten... or regretted... my part in it... I just learned from it... and continue to... ALL these years later.

Leadership Questions of the Week for YOU:

• What's YOUR earliest memory with the complexity of the truth?

• How often are YOU compelled to blurt out "you were speeding" when YOU know facts are being omitted or obvious information is not being discussed?

• This may be particularly relevant when we are trying to sell something or convince others of an idea. It's NOT that you aren't telling the truth... it may fall into the category of "lies of omission". How do YOU navigate those moments with others or for yourself?

• What is YOUR best advice in these situations that YOUR experience has taught YOU?

Thanks for reading and remember...YOU make a difference!

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